Think This way, It Might Help You Before Marriage

We had just finished watching a Chinese movie at the cinema. We didn’t expect the movie to finish early. It was only around 10pm so my two friends and I decided to hang out at KLCC’s garden before we would take the LRT back to our campus – International Islamic University Malaysia (IIUM).

We talked about a lot of things; but of course as young Muslims the topic of “marriage” popped up.

Everybody wants to get married. I mean, why not? To have someone we love stay close to us all the time, and then maybe one day inshaAllah build a family together; one that we can nurture to be good persons.

I’s like to think it’s a dream that we all have and share together.

That night, one of my friends said something interesting,

“I don’t know why I should have a girlfriend right now. I had one before but we broke up. After that one I didn’t find anybody else. For me, having a partner means marriage. So why so I look for a partner when I can’t afford to get married yet? I’m still studying. No job, no money, and I don’t own my own place. Maybe someday, in the future. When I finally have everything and ready to have a family. Maybe I’ll look for a partner then. My mother agrees.”

I replied,

“That’s why I have always told myself that we should base our lives on three things:

Where we came from? Where are we now? And where are we going to? I’m not talking about Akhirah.  I’m talking  specifically about this Dunya; about our dreams for the future”

Getting Married? Why?

“Today’s all about public speaking. So, some of you will have come in front talk about a certain topic. And our topic today, is about Marriage. We will see how you feel to be in front of people, and how you convey your ideas” my English lecturer spoke loudly.

I was chosen to be the first speaker.

I think it was because I looked more nervous than the other students sitting in the back row. Nonetheless, I walked to the front anxiously. I tried to speak my mind.

“For me, there are three things that people must bear in mind when they think about getting married  and why they need to get married. InshaAllah, if they’ve thought about these things thoroughly, their marriage will be fine. They will have problems of course, but nothing that they cannot handle. 

First, we get married because it is a human need. It is human nature that we can’t deny. The need to love and be loved. The need to belong. Furthermore, marriage is a blessing that Allah swt has bestowed upon His creations to fill our needs; including our sexual needs. Our partners are halal for us.

Secondly, we get married for the purpose of human being’s continuation. With marriage, often comes children. Then one day, your children will get married and have their own too. They will be the grandchildren that will bring you joy and happiness. And one day they too will grow up and have children of their own. This

Thirdly, we get married as it is the process towards good civilization. If we trace back the history of any civilization, you will see and understand that the core of civilization is the society. And the core of society is family. So, by have the marriage, having a husband, a wife, children and nurture them to be good person, it means we built a good family and human resources that will benefit the society, the ummah.”

Everyone was silent. I wasn’t very sure if they understood me or not. Either way, I ended my public speaking with a sigh of relief.

The need to Belong

Human characteristics can be divided into two, humanism and animalism.

Humanism related to feeling of love, caring, responsibility while the sexual relationship is a part of the animalism.

These two states are requirements in human life, and the correct way to fulfill them has been described by Islam.

Marriage is the only way that Islam has enjoined in making the life of man and woman to be in lawful union that also based on the mutual consent.

The purpose of marriage is to foster a state of tranquility and compassion for the couple, providing a lawful means to enjoy the sexual pleasure.

It is the nature of mankind that Allah has created for human to have such desire against the opposite sex and also to seek comfort and love.

Thus, halal(legal) relationship not only will safeguard procreation(generasi) but also make the person into the state of tranquility and peace by giving and receiving love from the spouse.

Second, continuity of human being and Third, for the sake of good civilization.

I always ask myself,

If I leave this world, what the valuable thing should I left to the world? What the thing that I should inherited to this planet?

The thing will give the better future of the world?

After had a long thought, I got the answer.
Yes!, it is children.

The children are one of the best thing that we can inherit to the world. Inherit the children to the world means we are providing something for the future – a people with ability to develop human race and country and at the same time not to  put aside the Islamic rules.

The future Muslim that understand their purpose of creation as the khalifah of Allah, thus every of their action will reflect their roles.

Nevertheless, in order to inherit the children to the world is not easy as we may thought. Of course, to have it is ‘easy’ but to educate and nurture them to be a good Muslim can be very challenging and  a great task to the parents.

While the world has changed and children are more likely to influence by environment, internet, television and friends, the way of nurturing the children could be different from the past 50 years, but the basis is the same, that is Islam must be the core principle.

The best and the first ‘product’ ever been produced by human being was not the car or airplane or building or rocket or train but the human being itself! – a baby.

While those things required years of research and development before it can be produced, a baby can be produced by any mature mankind, but yet still it is complex creation and miracles in the eyes of human regarding Allah’s creation.

Therefore, if you have chance to have it, please make sure you have it in the right way.

The way that allowed by Islam.

With the respect to current situation, many of babies have been produced in the wrong way, and being treated like animals (or maybe more worse than that!) – being through away in river, being left in the mosque and not to say is through away like rubbish in dumpsite.

Subhanallah. Oh! Mankind, why are you so cruel?

Conclusion

By interpreting the concept of marriage as a whole and most importantly understanding this concept, we will be more aware of our responsibilities to our partners, parents, siblings, and also towards our future Muslim society.

I fear for the society’s current state – where people proudly display their acts of disobedience, where Zina becomes normal, where baby-dumping happens almost every day, and where we no longer take the time to actually care.

People often blame the government, organizations, and societies for all that’s happening around us. I am not sure if this is right or not. One thing I am sure of though; is that if this continues and the future of our Muslim society is in the ruins, we should blame ourselves too. Because we are part of society.

"And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought." (Ar Rum, ayat 21)